Teju Phillips & DJ Caise: Unbreakable bond

(L_R) Caise and Teju

Motherhood is fulfilling – Teju Phillips

As a young lady, did you dream of becoming a mother?
During one’s formative years, you have dreams and you put together in your head, images of family role models . You imagine how you want your dream man and children to be like. You begin to imagine the number of kids you would like to have. I thank God that He helped me to achieve most of what I imagined.
How did your upbringing reflect on your dreams?
I had a disciplined upbringing. My early years were spent in boarding schools and my latter years were spent pursuing career goals. Like I mentioned earlier, I had role models who were quite keen on the quality of children they raised and that is what I have always done with my children.
How did you handle the transition from being someone’s child to being someone’s mother?
There wasn’t much of a transition because you are who you are. I wanted a settled life and I wanted my kids to be loved and raised properly.
What type of counsel did you rely on in bringing up your children?
From the point of getting married, I was offered all kinds of advice on how to please my husband, keep my home and raise good children. Most importantly, I enjoyed the counsel of my parents before they passed away.
What kind of child would you say Derin is?
Derin is a go-getter. At any point in time, he is always well prepared for whatever he wants to do. Once he is convinced about what he wants to do, there is no stopping him. In terms of family values, he is very cerebral. He is reserved up to a point, so I always find it hard to reconcile Derin my son with Derin the disc jockey. I have come to terms with the fact that he is an entertainer. As long as he is happy and he is making money, I am okay.
How would you assess your relationship with him?
It is the same relationship that I have with all my children. I have different relationships with them and I extend my love in that direction. I meet the individuality in each of them.
Why weren’t you particularly pleased when Derin informed you of his desire to become a disc jockey?
I was not too happy because I wanted him to pursue a career I loved. Thank God I was able to curb my reaction due to my exposure. There is a limit to which you can hold on to your children and you have to learn to let go at some point. I am convinced he has a passion for what he is doing.
Can you remember one memorable thing he has said or done to you?
When I went for a surgery in England, he always drove to London from Reading and back, just to be with me and take care of my needs. He did that for more than a month. That I will forever remember.
When advising him on the kind of woman he should settle for, what do you tell him?
I always tell him to get a woman who loves him and his family. No matter how much love is being displayed now, it is not going to last if a woman does not believe in you. That woman must love his family because he comes from a close-knit family. If he brings a woman that does not appreciate that aspect of his life and does not have that kind of value, it is going to be tough.
Do you think family values have been misplaced?
It runs through different schools of thought and up to a point, I believe that the western culture we have brought into our family settings are rubbing off on some integral family values that we have.
How did you feel watching your children grow up to become adults?
It is not a question of feeling, it is a question of working towards it .You have to ensure that the home is well looked after and you monitor the children at each level, so that you can get the kind of result that gladdens the heart of every mother.
Parents and their children can’t have it smooth all the time. How do you and your son reconcile when you fall out?
We don’t have a problem about that because we just move on. When we have our differences and we all put our feet down, all Derin does is to convince us of what he wants to do. He is very good at doing that successfully and we just move on.
What kind of discussions do you have?
I can discuss virtually anything with hm. We do our gisting all the time and my kids even tell me off in a respectful manner when I am wrong. That shows you what we have is a natural relationship.
What has given you the greatest joy as a mother?
The grace God has given me to have good and loving children.
What do you consider to be the most challenging aspect of being a mother?
Getting it right with your children. If you miss it, you might not be able to retrace your steps that easily. When you figure that a child is derailing, a good mother should be quick to remedy the situation before it gets out of hand.
How often do you spend time together?
We go out to have dinner and at such times, I know he wants something from me, so I just ask him what he wants. When I have some events, I persuade him to attend since he is an entertainer.
What are you most proud of about him?
I am proud of the fact that he is my son.
What special name do you call him?
I call him Derin boy.

I tell mum everything – DJ Caise

How would you describe your relationship with your mum?
The relationship between us is very cordial. It is one that is full of respect, understanding and a lot of love. She is definitely one person I can talk to about almost anything and I am really appreciative of that privilege. I consider myself fortunate to have that kind of relationship with my mother because I know a lot of people who cannot boast of same. When I hang out with my friends, they are usually shocked at the kind of things I discuss with my mum.
Do you discuss women with her?
When I say anything, I mean everything and that includes business, relationship, school, career, etc. She is very open, understanding, non-judgemental, a fantastic listener and she is good at advising.
Caise
What memories of your mum do you have from your childhood?
She is a 21st century woman who is very hard-working. I think she has always set very high goals for herself and she always achieves it. In essence, she always attains a work-life balance. I remember there were times when she skipped meetings or came in from meetings to either make sure my dad was taken care of in terms of food and his general well-being. She always played the good housewife and mother. I definitely appreciate her sacrifices. When she was a commissioner in Lagos State, she worked really long hours but she remained a hands-on mum who always prioritised our needs. The older I grew, the more I understood how difficult all of that was.
If your mum was famous, what do you think she would have been famous for?
Singing because she always wanted to be a singer. She always says how lucky she is that we are able to follow our dreams in this generation that we are in because in her own time it was almost not possible. You had very limited options as to what you wanted to do and music was definitely not one of the options because the creative industry was not accepted then.
Does that mean she was not shocked when you chose to become a disc jockey?
She was very shocked but I think with time, she accepted it and is watching to see what happens. Nevertheless, she definitely admires the passion.
Did relations between the both of you become strained when you informed her of your decision to become a DJ?
I have always been a DJ, at least since my days at the university but when I took it extremely serious, she was a bit concerned about if it was a good decision. Most importantly, I think she wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing. She also wanted to know if I knew the consequences and if I was ready to see it through.
What do you think she was like when she was your age?
I think she was already married when she was my age and she probably had been delivered of my eldest brother. She is a very independent, strong -willed woman as well as a go-getter. Being the only child of her mother made her to be very independent.
What is that thing she always says to you?
That is an easy one. She always tells me to be myself. A lot of times when I come to her with issues or when I am trying to understand why people act in a certain way, she just tells me to let them be and I should just be myself.
In what ways are you and your mum similar?
We are both outgoing, we are both in the spotlight, we are both people-oriented, we are forgiving, analytical and understanding. We can be very political when dealing with people.
In what ways are you dissimilar ?
She likes to take her time while I am annoyingly strict with my time because I believe time is money. I don’t do ‘African timing.’
Being her last child, do you get extra favours from her ahead of your siblings?
Growing up I did and that is very typical of last -borns. My siblings always used me to get things from my parents but I was not a spoilt child. I was a good child and I did not bring in any drama.
What makes you so proud of your mum?
She dreams the impossible and she achieves it. A lot of times when she says she is going to do certain things, people just look at her because they really don’t understand how she is going to achieve it. Even though she is bad with timing, she is still that person that will leave home for the airport 30 or 45 minutes before her flight and she never misses a flight.
How often do you hang out and what kind of places do you visit?
Unfortunately we don’t hang out outside her home. There was a time I called her on the phone to tell her I wanted to take her to dinner. She was so worried and concerned that I wanted to tell her some kind of bad news. Ever since I moved out of the house, I go there to spend quality time with her. We spend hours and hours talking.
Does she turn up at places where you are having a performance?
The only time my mum has seen me perform was at my brother’s wedding. She is definitely going to have a front row seat at my album launch.
How does your mum make you laugh?
She is naturally a very funny person and I have seen her do it countless times. She is good at imitating people and you could be in awe for days when she does so.
Are you giving her any treats today?
I would probably take her to the spa and gift her some flowers. I know this might sound cheesy but to me every day is Mothers’ Day. I make my mum feel special every day and not just on one day out of 365 days.
What’s her pet name for you?
I am not going to say it because if I do, all my friends would begin to address me by that name but sometimes she calls me Derin Derin.
Would you describe yourself as a mummy’s boy?
I would say I am mummy’s boy because the more I grow up; the more she relies on me in a certain way because I understand her. Our relationship has its dynamics. I feel the time it was cemented was when she was sick and she came to England for an operation. I was in school at that time and I was the only child who was around to take care of her. We spent about two months just by ourselves. It was an interesting time because that was the first time that roles were switched.
What are those character traits your mum possesses that you would look out for in   the woman you want to be married to?
Growing up, I never wanted to get married to someone who is like my mum but it is funny how I see similarities between my mum and most of the ladies I meet.
I want a woman who is as hard-working as my
mum. Because she is such a hard worker, there
is a certain feeling of confidence that she leaves in her husband and children that she will get whatever it is sorted ut. I think I would like my wife to also bring that to the table.
Do you really listen when she disapproves of your girlfriends?
I don’t know how to say this but my mum has that red button that means no way. When she pushes it
down, then it’s not happening between the lady
and me. My mum has the ability to read people very well and she can see somebody and disapprove of the person because she just knows. She definitely has the ultimate say.